There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex. Whether you are asexual, want to stay abstinent until marriage or for other reasons, or are simply not in the mood, you should feel comfortable communicating this with a partner. Work on learning to communicate your desires in order to smoothly say no to sex.
1. Practice saying “No.”
Many people feel nervous or awkward telling someone they’re not ready for sex or don’t want to have sex at a certain moment. It might be helpful to practice saying “No” in front of a mirror or alone in your room. Try to sound confident in your decision and practice saying, “No, I don’t want to have sex right now” or “No, I’m not ready for sex yet.
2. Give advance notice.
- If you’re out on a date or spending a night in together, let your partner know if you’re not in the mood. If things feel romantic and fun, your partner might think you’re in the mood for sex when you’re really not.
- Sometimes people feel rejected or hurt if sexual advances are turned down. Letting your partner know ahead of time you’re not in the mood can save their feelings later. You won’t have to turn down unwanted advances.
- Also, discussing your desires ahead of time will help you to feel more comfortable as the night progresses.
3. Take a rain check.
Sometimes, you may not be in the mood at any given moment but this does not mean sex is off the table all day. Try asking your partner to see how you’re feeling later. For example, say something like “I’m feeling a little exhausted and want to relax for a minute, but see how I’m feeling after dinner.” If you’re busy, tired, or stressed it’s hard to predict when you will and won’t be in the mood. Allow your partner the opportunity to try again later canon.
4. Communicate your reasons with your partner.
You don’t owe someone an explanation for not wanting to have sex. However, if you’re in a relationship with someone it can be healthy to explain to them why you’re not in the mood. This can help your partner better understand you and your sexual desires.
- Sometimes, reasons are simple. You can say something like, “As much as I love you and love having sex with you, I’ve had a really stressful day at work and I’m feeling kind of bad about myself. I’d rather we just do something low pressure like watch a movie and maybe try again tomorrow.”
- If there is a more difficult reason you don’t want to have sex, this is even more important to discuss. Are you upset with your partner? Are you not feeling sexual due to negative feelings about your own body and looks? If there’s a deeper issue at play, schedule a time to talk things over with your partner. Remember to remain calm and phrase things in a fair, non-judgmental manner.
5. Do not feel obligated to have sex
Sometimes people feel obligated to have sex, especially if they’ve already been engaging in activities that would typically lead to sex. Understand no one is entitled to your body and that making out or otherwise fooling around does mean you owe someone sex. Do not listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. If you feel things are headed towards sex, taper off physical contact and then gently pull away. If your partner pushes you for more, calmly explain you do not wish to have sex now.